


Cinderdaniel (a frankenfic)

by MelayneSeahawk



Series: Bunny Euthanasia Project 2018 [9]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Crack, Crossdressing, Frankenfic, M/M, Magic, it was all a dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 14:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16348616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelayneSeahawk/pseuds/MelayneSeahawk
Summary: Once upon a time, there was a boy name Cinders, and he went to a ball...





	Cinderdaniel (a frankenfic)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theemdash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theemdash/gifts).



> Ahahahaha this is one of the crackiest things I've ever written, so much so that I don't think I'll ever be able to finish it. The beginning and the end are written, but the middle is an outline. Enjoy the ridiculousness?
> 
> This fic is also something of a gift for theemdash, who has put up with my insanity for far too long. :D

“Cinders, hey Cinders!” Nirrti called down the stairs, and Daniel looked up from scrubbing the floor. “Where’s my costume?”

 

“Mine, too, Cinderboy,” Hathor called after her and Daniel stood with a barely-suppressed groan.

 

“They’re hanging in the closet, just where I told you they’d be,” Daniel said, dumping his brush in the bucket and standing, stretching out the abused muscles of his back before wiping his hands on his dirty britches. “Do you need me to help you dress?”

 

“Of course,” Nirrti said haughtily.

 

“And clean your hands first!” Hathor added.

 

Daniel grumbled something uncomplimentary, but not loud enough that either of his stepsisters could hear. He washed off as much of the dirt on his hands as he could and went upstairs. He’d sewn those dresses and decorated the masks himself, between all of the housework his stepfather expected him to do since his mother’s death. Daniel hadn’t known how to wash a dish, much less complex sewing, but Apophis had insisted after the money had run out and Daniel had had no choice.

 

A few hours later, and Daniel stepped back, finished. From the top of their piled curls to the soles of their beaded shoes, they had to be perfect so they could impress the prince. Only their father’s repeated calls that the rented carriage had arrived pulled them away from their mirrors. Daniel trailed down the stairs after them, stopping in the foyer he’d been cleaning earlier.

 

“You’re beautiful, my darlings,” Apophis said, kissing his daughters’ cheeks. “Remember what I told you?”

 

“You don’t have to like him, he just has to like you,” they said in unison, singsong.

 

“Good girls,” Apophis said with an indulgent smile. “Go wait in the carriage, dears.” His smile evaporated as the girls went through the door. “Don’t burn down the house, _sholva_.”

 

Daniel didn’t even bother to respond to the comment. “I got all the cleaning done,” he said hesitantly. “You said I could go—”  


Apophis’ expression became even more sour as he looked Daniel over. “Dressed like that? I think not.”

 

“I have a costume—” It wasn’t as ornate as his stepsisters’ costumes, but it would do.

 

Apophis laughed, a bitter sound. He tapped his shoe on the floor, knocking off a bit of mud. “The floor is dirty again,” he said, smirking as Daniel’s face fell. “Enjoy your evening, Cinders,” he said as he turned and walked out the door. “I know we will.”

 

***

 

Daniel cleaned up the last smear of mud, dumping the brush in its bucket and leaning back. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

 

“Aww, all work and no play makes Danny a dull boy,” a woman’s voice said, and Daniel looked up quickly. She was the strangest woman he’d ever seen: tall, with a lot of dark hair worn loose down her back, and though her outfit seemed to be cut in the latest style, he noticed that the corseted bodice of her black gown seemed to be made of leather, with straps connecting it to a band of black leather around her throat. She had a faint accent Daniel didn’t recognize. “Come on, get up, you don’t have much time.”

 

“Before what?” Daniel asked, too surprised to move off the floor. “Who are you? How did you get in?”

 

“I’m your… _fairygodmother_ ,” she said, pronouncing the word as if she’d been instructed to say it but didn’t quite know what it meant. “Funny little custom you people have. But you can call me Vala. Now get up already, you’re going to be late.”

 

“For?” Daniel asked again, but he let the strange woman drag him to his feet and down the hall to the kitchen.

 

“The ball, of course,” Vala said dismissively. “Really, you’re usually brighter than this.” She let go of his arm to pull over the little metal basin Daniel used to wash up. “No, that won’t do at all.” From somewhere on her person, she pulled a thin black wand and waved it over the dented basin, which turned into a large, clawfoot porcelain tub filled with steaming water and—Daniel was amazed to see—a large pile of bubbles. “Strip and get in,” she said. “I’d offer to help, but I’m not allowed. I’ll go see about your costume.” She waved the wand again and disappeared.

 

Daniel looked at the steaming bath and shrugged to himself. He stripped off his patched and dirty clothes and got in, leaning back against one side with a happy sigh. It felt so good to get clean, and no matter how much dirt he rubbed off his skin, the water stayed clear. He finished washing the grime out of his hair and settled back for a good, long soak.

 

***

 

“Oh no, this won’t do at all,” Vala said, waking Daniel from the light doze he’d slipped into. She was holding the suit he’d made himself during the free time he’d been able to steal between chores.

 

“What’s wrong with it?” Daniel asked, sitting up, slightly self-conscious about being naked but for the mostly dissipated bubbles.

 

“Everything,” Vala said cheerfully. She flicked the wand at a dishrag on a nearby stool and it turned into a sumptuous towel. “Get dried off and put this on, and then I’ll make it all better.”

 

She seemed to notice his nervousness and turned her back with a melodramatic sigh. Daniel dried off and put on the suit, clearing his throat when he was done. It was meant to look like a nobleman’s idea of a commoner, of fine fabric with purposeful patches, and since he’d had no appropriate shoes, he’d been planning on wearing his usual tattered boots.

 

“No, that definitely won’t do,” she said as she scanned him from damp hair to bare toes. Seeming to come to a decision, she waved the wand in Daniel’s direction, and he felt his clothes _change_.

 

Daniel looked down at himself and gasped. He was now wearing a _dress_ in the latest style, with blue in the bodice fading into pure white at the hem. His hands were encased in delicate gloves, white lace over blue. He was amused to realize, though, that his feet were still bare.

 

“I look ridiculous!” Daniel said. “I’ll be thrown out of the castle. Or, worse, arrested!”

 

“Stop panicking,” Vala said sharply, rapping him on the head with the wand. “Do you really think I’d let that happen?” She waved the wand at a pot hanging on the wall and it turned into a full-length mirror. “See, you’ll fit in just fine.”

 

The person Daniel saw in the mirror was one he had never seen before. It was a woman, first of all, though her features were very similar to Daniel’s own. She was a little shorter, though still tall, with modest curves. Her light brown hair was pulled into a simple, elegant bun. And, thinking objectively for a moment, Daniel supposed she was rather attractive, if a little square in the jaw. Handsome, rather than delicately pretty. “What sort of magic is this?” Daniel asked, touching his—her—his hair. He was surprised by the light, musical alto of his voice.

 

“Exactly,” Vala said. “Isn’t it cool? But come on, you’re going to be late,” she went on before he could reply that the dress was surprisingly warm considering how much of his chest and arms were on display. “Quick, I’m supposed to tell you the rules.” She dragged him out the back door to the garden and plucked a leaf off a nearby plant. A flick of the wand turned it into a blue and white mask and she handed it to him. “Lift your skirts.” Too shocked to protest, Daniel did as he was told, and suddenly found himself wearing a pair of delicate shoes that seemed to be made of glass. “Now, to rustle up some transportation.”

 

She waved the wand in a wide arc and a few of the plants began to rustle. There were some skittering sounds, and Daniel took a surprised step back as six mice, a rabbit, and a mole gathered at Vala’s feet. “A sorry lot, but I suppose you’ll do,” she said. She flicked her wand at an early pumpkin in the patch and it floated over. Another wave and Daniel was presented with an elegant carriage pulled by six horses, a driver and footman standing by. Only the slightly orange cast of the coach itself hinted at its origins.

 

“That’s amazing!” Daniel said, reaching out to touch the carriage door.

 

“No time for that,” Vala interrupted. “You have to go. Now. Harriman and Siler,” she said, indicating the footman and driver respectively, “will take care of you. You have until midnight, then the enchantments will wear off.”

 

“But what am I supposed to do?”

 

“Why, seduce the prince, of course!” Vala said gleefully. She waved the wand and disappeared, leaving Daniel staring at the space where she had been.

 

“Miss?” Daniel turned and saw that Harriman was holding the door open for him. He sighed and let the rabbit-turned-footman help him into the carriage and they were off. Daniel was left wondering exactly when he’d completely lost his mind.

 

***

 

_Plot continues as follows:_

 

_Daniel arrives at the ball, is presented to the room, jealousy ensues_

 

_Meets Jack, they dance, yadda_

 

_Other characters introduced somewhere: George as Jack’s father, who really wants Jack to get married; Teal’c, Jack’s war buddy; possibly Sam as another guest_

 

_Midnight: Daniel runs out, leaving shoe behind_

 

_Jack tours shoe all over the kingdom; shoe looks tiny, but is huge on the inside, so fits none of the women who try it on_

 

_Finally come to Daniel’s house; Nirrti and Hathor try it on, one of them throws it against the wall and breaks it, Daniel produces its pair and puts it on, proving his identity_

 

***

 

“But you’re a man,” Prince Jack said, dumbfounded.

 

“Yes,” Daniel said nervously, wrapping his arms around his torso. He felt suddenly rather stupid, standing there wearing the dainty glass shoe on one foot and his normal boot on the other.

 

“Sweet,” Jack said, and Daniel looked up at him quickly. “Even better.” Before he knew what was happening, Daniel found himself in Jack’s arms, being thoroughly kissed. He could definitely get used to this.

 

Their kiss was eventually interrupted by a familiar laugh, and Daniel turned to see Vala standing there, applauding. “See,” she said to him. “I told you it would all work out.”

 

“Sort of,” Daniel said, turning to face her, very aware of Jack’s arms around his waist. “Jack still needs to marry so he can produce heirs.”

 

“Oh, that’s easy,” Vala said, brandishing her wand in the direction of Daniel’s abdomen. “Let’s make babies!”

 

***

 

Daniel woke with a gasp, unsure where he was for a minute until he heard Jack snort and roll over next to him. “Ok, Dannyboy?” he asked sleepily.

 

“Yeah,” Daniel said, looking around the room. Jack’s bedroom, with the dark green wallpaper and the picture of the lake in Minnesota hanging on the wall over the dresser, the streetlamp outside throwing patterns through the blinds against the far wall. “Just a really weird dream.”

 

“That’s what you get for eating that cheese before bed,” Jack grumbled, snuggling into Daniel’s side. “Go back to sleep. Love you.”

 

Daniel smiled and, for once, did what Jack to him.

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I'm supposed to say I'm on Tumblr now? melayneseahawk.tumblr.com


End file.
